oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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