There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
