My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize