can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
