She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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