I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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