That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
