At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
