..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
