She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
