He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
