Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize