the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize