I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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