On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
kristin has been a bad kristin
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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