i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
