when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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