go do what you do best...puke behind churches
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
