go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
