You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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