the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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