I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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