My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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