I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You need Xanax blowdarts
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize