somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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