eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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