plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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