i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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