I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
