I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
