Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize