i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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