Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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