i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i wish my penis had a tongue
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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