hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
