I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
