Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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