So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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