Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
