Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
