so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
