it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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