i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
