You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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