Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
