She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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