what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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