Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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