Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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