I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
