i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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