wanna go halves on a baby?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
