I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
