so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize