WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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