he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize