omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
