I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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