From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
