so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
