I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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