A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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