Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
