I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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