His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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