Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am naked and annoyed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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