I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
