ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
